


Better Off Ren

by raventhewritingdesk



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Office, F/M, Gen, Kylo ren has a daughter, M/M, None of the star wars familial relationships exist in this, Sitcom AU, and i named her after padme because why not, i made up Rey's last name, this is written in script form
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-15
Updated: 2017-01-15
Packaged: 2018-09-17 15:23:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9331322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raventhewritingdesk/pseuds/raventhewritingdesk
Summary: Kylo Ren tries to navigate being a father and being the head of an R&D department of The First Order.orA "Better Off Ted" (TV) AU where Kylo Ren is a suite and tie wearing business man who can't quite get things right.





	

**Author's Note:**

> All Copyrighted material is not mine and belongs to whoever owns 'Better Off Ted' and of course 'Star Wars'
> 
>  
> 
> Has not been Beta'd, only reviewed by me so if you see any mistakes, let me know. (:

**Scene One**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Deep Space_

 

 

 **Woman _(Off Screen):_ ** The First Order. Every day, something we make makes your life better. Power _[A serene image of a large dam surfaces]_ , we make that. 

Technology _[The Earth slowly turns as a large satellite circles around it]_ , we make that. 

Cows _[A large cow lowers it’s head to graze on a vibrant grass hill]_ , well, no, we don’t make cows. Although, we have made a sheep . . . 

And medicines _[Different colored pills fall into a clear bottle]_. 

And airplane engines _[A robotic arm tinkers with an airplane engine as an officer oversees the work]_. 

And whatever this is _[A circular device winds together long cables]_. 

And all sorts of things _[A sunny field is adorned with large wind turbines spinning slowly]_. 

The First Order: Every day, something we make makes your life better. _[A lightly colored planet crumbles into a black hole after being shot by a large beam of light]_ Usually. 

The First Order: _[A stormtrooper flashes a ‘thumb’s up’]_ Life, Better.

 

————-

**Scene Two**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper decks, Kylo Ren’s Office._

_[A man in a sharp black suit and shoulder length dark hair walks through a glass door and into an office to sit behind a desk. The name plate at the head of the desk reads: Lord Kylo Ren.]_

 

 

 **Kylo Ren:** _[Faces the camera]_ I have the best job in the world.

 

_[A tall man in a crisp First Order uniform with bright red hair gelled back opens the office door and leans in, his hand still on the handle.]_

 

 **General Armitage Hux:** We want to make a metal that’s as hard as steel but can bounce like rubber and is edible.

 

 **Ren:** We can do that. _[Faces the camera.]_ I’m the head of a Research and Development department for one of the largest companies in the galaxy, The First Order. Hux is my boss.

 

 **Hux:** _[Opens the office door.]_ We need a mouse that can withstand temperatures up to 195 degrees.

 

 **Ren:** We can do that. Uh, a computer mouse or a live mouse?

 

 **Hux:** _[Pauses]_ I’ll get bac _k to you. [Closes door.]_

 

 **Ren:** _[Faces the camera]._ Every day there’s something new waiting to be discovered.

 

 **Hux:** _[Opens door slightly less excited.]_ Computer mouse.

 

 **Ren:** Easier. _[Faces the camera.]_ We do everything, industrial products, biomedical, cryogenics, defense technology-

 

 **Hux:** _[Opens door.]_ We want to weaponize a pumpkin.

 

 **Ren:** Then so do I. _[Pauses]_ Because . . .

 

 **Hux:** _[Steps inside the office.]_ There’s a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.

 

 **Ren:** Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.

 

 **Hux:** _[Tilts head slightly.]_ Pie.

 

 **Ren:** Halloween and pie. _[Faces the camera and gets up to leave the office.]_ I’ve been at The First Order for three years. Last year, I got a promotion, and now I run a team of some of the smartest people in the world. _[Stops as a stormtrooper pushing a mail cart walks past him.]_ Whoah! _[Pulls out a handkerchief and shines a spot on his armor.]_ There we go. _[Walks inside a medium sized boardroom where people are waiting around a table for him. A single pumpkin sits on the table.]_ Okay, people. We need to turn this simple, festive gourd into a killer. I’ve asked Dr. Mitaka to take a look at how nature does it because nature is a fantastic killer of things. Dr. Mitaka.

 

 **Dr. Dopheld Mitaka:** Thank you. _[Pulls forward a cart with two pumpkins covered in a fluffy green substance.]_ Nature attacks and annihilates the pumpkin with powdery mildew disease, which can be mutated and designed to attack human cell structure, causing enemy soldiers to grow a magnificent, soft downy coating and die. As mold.

 

_[Across the table, a average sized woman with brown hair around her shoulders widens her eyes.]_

 

 **Rey:** Oh, my God.

 

 **Dr. Mitaka:** Spores in uniform!

 

 **Ren:** I think we get the picture. _[Nods his head at certain people.]_ Uh, Cindy, Lester, Jerry, you’re with Dr. Mitaka on this. The rest of you, you’re welcome.

 

_[The boardroom clears and Ren walks through the door and into the hallway to be intercepted by General Hux.]_

 

 **Hux:** Ren, the drones working on the spy drone came up with this cheap fabric. _[Hux holds up a small square of black netted fabric.]_ Find another use for it.

 

 **Ren:** Well, it’s a good texture, coloration. Maybe a breakfast meat.

 

 **Hux:** _[Eyes brighten in excitement.]_ Are you serious? We want to be in that business.

 

 **Ren:** No, Y-you have to lighten up.

 

 **Hux:** _[Shifts awkwardly.]_ Maybe I’m too funny. Maybe I was joking about not getting your joke. _[Walks away quickly.]_

 

_—————-_

 

**Scene Three**

 

 **Setting:** _Lower decks of The Finalizer. Lab and Test rooms._

 

 

_[A tall black man dressed in dark pants and a white lab coat walks into a bathroom stall and sits down on the toilet to find the toilet paper is farther than it had been before and is now out of reach. He reaches forward and scrapes at the roll of toilet paper as he struggles to remain seated on the toilet.]_

 

 **Ren (OS):** This is Finn. He’s a genius. Seriously. For ten years, Finn has been research partners with Poe.

 

_[A handsome man with wavy brown hair and a bright smile, also wearing a lab coat, walks into the bathroom stall. Noticing the toilet paper is farther away than usual, he grabs the roll before sitting comfortably.]_

 

 **Ren (OS)** : Who’s also a genius.

 

 **Finn:** _[Walking back towards his lab room with Poe by his side.]_ I’m so angry about the toilet paper. Why couldn’t they leave it next to the toilet? That proximity was so elegant.

 

 **Poe:** They think if it’s harder to reach, that we’ll use less of it. _[Stops in the hallway at a water fountain and waves hand over sensor to activate the water. As he bends down to take a drink, the sensor times out and the water stops. He waves his hand again.]_

 

 **Finn:** They’ve destroyed going to the bathroom for me. It used to be just a weird human function. Now it’s actively stressful. _[Poe continues to try and trigger the sensor before giving up.]_

 

 **Poe:** Okay, look, _[Turns the corner and waits for the automatic doors to slide open and let them inside their lab.]_ just take the roll off of the dispenser and bring it with you before you sit. That’s what I do.

 

 **Finn:** What? That’s not normal, Poe. _[Sits down at the lab desk and raises a dropper.]_

 

 **Poe:** It becomes normal if you keep doing it. _[Sighs dramatically.]_ Everything does.

 

 **Finn:** Look, you can put up with their crap if you want to. That’s fine. That’s who you are. But I’m not like that. I’m a fighter. _[Holds hands up in a fight stance then immediately drops them.]_ I fight stuff like this.

 

 **Poe:** _[Pauses, head tilting.]_ No, you don’t.

 

 **Finn:** Shut up, Poe. I would if I thought I could win.

 

 **Poe:** _[Pauses longer, pulls a wincing face.]_ No, because remember there was that thing last week that you thought you could win? And you still didn’t fight? Remember? With the sandwich?

 

 **Finn:** _[Nods dejectedly.]_ Yeah, I should’ve fought that.

 

 **Poe:** _[Shrugs]_ I thought so.

 

 **Ren:** _[Walks in holding the square of fabric.]_ Hey, fellas. See if you can make this fabric into a line of office chairs. _[Passes them the fabric.]_ It’s very strong and, well, dark.

 

 **Finn:** Do you think I don’t fight injustice enough?

 

 **Ren:** Is this about the sandwich? Because I think, instinctively, you knew you wouldn’t have won that. Your mom’s tough.

 

 **Finn:** She once killed a bat with a “People” magazine.

 

 **Ren:** That is tough, but one thing she’s not? Someone who can create something out of nothing, like you can. So make me an office chair. _[Walks out as Poe and Finn star at his back.]_

 

 **Finn** : He’s a better man than you.

 

 **Poe** : Agreed.

 

—————

 

**Scene Four**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper decks, Hallways and Bridge_

 

 **Ren (OS):** The next step for any product is testing. Testing is one of the things Rey does for us.

 

_[Rey and Ren stand in front of a side section of the bridge where officers sit in newly made chairs. The officers are working but very agitated and clearly uncomfortable.]_

 

 **Rey:** _[Points at officers.]_ People are squirming. The fabric’s not comfortable.

 

 **Ren:** Squirming? Or are they just enjoying it so much, they want their whole body to rub against it?

 

 **Rey:** Kylo, I know you’re an R &D legend with magical R&D powers, but the chair? Just no.

 

—————

 

**Scene Five**

 

 **Setting:** _Hallways and Bridge of The Finalizer, Rey’s desk._

 

 **Ren:** _[Walking through the Bridge towards Rey’s desk carrying a folder.]_ Never give up. That’s what I always tell my daughter. She tells me to stop telling her, but I tell her I can’t, because that would be giving up. _[Stops at Rey’s desk to find her bending over an open drawer pouring something into it from her purse.]_ Look at these numbers.

 

 **Rey:** _[Screams slightly and drops purse while closing the bottom drawer with her foot.]_ You scared me.

 

 **Ren:** What’s with the creamer?

 

 **Rey:** Nothing. They’re mine. What’s up?

 

 **Ren:** _[Hands her the folder.]_ Productivity increases when people use the chairs. _[Continues to look at her strangely while she looks over the numbers.]_

 

 **Rey:** _[ Looks up at him.]_ I like creamer. I’ve only worked here six months. Is there a rule about that I should know?

 

_[They walk down the halls together, back towards where officers are still sitting in the chairs.]_

 

 **Ren:** When people can’t get comfortable, they don’t daydream or get distracted, so they’re more productive.

 

 **Rey:** And more filled with hate.

 

 **Ren:** And the scratchier the fabric, the more uncomfortable people are, and the harder they work.

 

 **Officer:** _[Suddenly jumps up from his chair, screaming.]_ Get it off me! Get it off! _[Runs away down the halls of The Finalizer.]_

 

 **Ren:** Up to a point, then they go mad.

 

—————

 

**Scene Six**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper decks, Halls and Bridge, Kylo Ren’s office._

 

 

_[Officers share congratulatory cake as a sign is wheeled past reading: “The Focus Master: Over 1,000,000 pre-sold”. A photographer readies a camera and Kylo Ren stands behind the chair along with General Hux, Rey, Poe, and Finn. Everyone is smiling except Rey who looks slightly uncomfortable.]_

 

 **Ren:** _[Walks down the halls towards his office and enters it.]_ Is it wrong to invent a deadly pumpkin or an irritating chair that makes people work harder? The thing is, work’s not about right and wrong. It’s about success or failure.

 

 **Hux:** _[Walks into his office.]_ Your department’s using too much creamer.

 

 **Ren:** Does it matter?

 

 **Hux:** It’s not ‘Katrina’, but it is a problem.

 

 **Poe:** _[Walks into office holding a rag.]_ Ren, there’s been a spill oh- _[Looks up]_ Oh hi General Hux. It’s nothing.

 

 **Hux:** Hi Poe. Actually, you’re the reason i’m here.

 

 **Poe:** Oh, really?

 

 **Hux:** Yes. You can go now.

 

 **Poe:** But-

 

 **Hux:** I’m here to talk about you, not to you.

 

 **Poe:** I’m sorry. _[Turns around to leave and closes door behind him.]_

 

 **Hux:** _[Turns to face Ren.]_ We want to freeze Poe.

 

 **Ren:** Excuse me?

 

 **Hux:** Poe. The company wants to cryonically freeze him, just for a year, to see if it’s possible. _[Walks towards Ren’s office chair and sits down in it.]_ We think it is.

 

 **Ren:** You _think_ it’s possible?

 

 **Hux:** Yes, Mr. Negative, we do. We have developed a chemical which allows us to rapidly freeze live animal tissue without it exploding. And, fingers crossed, we’re ready for human testing.

 

 **Ren:** Your presentation sucks. And why Poe?

 

 **Hux:** Well, for PR reasons, they wanted an employee. And, in the unlikely event something goes wrong, well, there are people here we would, you know, miss more.

 

 **Ren:** You be sure to tell him that when you try to get him to do it. _[Nods head in realization.]_ I see where this is going.

 

 **Hux:** _[Smiles and stands up to face him.]_ Your guys will do anything for you, Ren. They’ve got, _[Looks away in thought.]_ what’s that thing again? Underlings have it. [Nods with another smile.] Loyalty. This is huge for us. You need to make it happen.

 

 **Ren:** Well, i’ll try. But Poe hates the cold and he freaks out in small spaces, so this assignment is not ideal for him.

 

 **Hux:** Yeah, well, they originally suggested Finn, but freeze the black guy? They’re not stupid. 

_[Turns to leave his office.]_

 

_—————_

 

 **Scene** **Seven**

 

 **Setting:** _Halls and Bridge of The Finalizer._

 

 

 **Ren (OS):** If I’m gonna ask Poe to do something potentially dangerous, I need to make sure that it’s potentially safe. So i’ve asked Rey to check out the data.

 

_[Rey is sitting at her desk leaning over her phone as she speaks quietly.]_

 

 **Rey:** No, the zebra and the toaster are friends. _[Looks behind to see Ren standing there.]_ I have to go. No, that makes the toaster too mean. He’s not a sociopath. He just doesn’t want to make toast anymore. _[Hangs up the phone hastily and turns around.]_ Hi. Is that a new . . .shirt?

 

 **Ren:** Oh, that’s cool. Let’s pretend that that phone call wasn’t odd.

 

 **Rey:** I’m trying to write a children’s book, and my illustrator doesn’t get _[makes a noise]_ most of it.

 

 **Ren:** Well, what’s, uh, not to get? A toaster that doesn’t want to make toast. And, of course, there’s a zebra.

 

 **Rey:** _[Slight sigh]_ You do the same thing every day. You please everyone around you. At some point you say:  “Making toast is fine, it’s opened some doors, but I need more.”

 

 **Ren:** “So, i’m - i’m running away. I don’t know how. I’m, plugged into a wall, I don’t have legs, but I’m doing it.”

 

 **Rey:** You totally get the toaster, and his complicated love/hate relationship with the outlet.

 

 **Ren:** Who has all the power

 

 **Rey:** _[Giggles]_ That’s lame.

 

 **Ren:** You laughed.

 

 **Rey** : Yeah.

 

 **Ren** : So, freezing Poe?

 

 **Rey:** You want to know about Poe? It’s probably okay if he can get past minus 20 without his eyes bursting. That would be the first sing of trouble. _[Hands folder of information to Ren.]_ This is a great company, isn’t it? Freezing it’s employees.

 

 **Ren:** Employee. They’re only freezing one. For now.

 

 **Rey:** Do you know that they send us the phone bills for our non-work-related calls? They don’t charge us for ‘em. They just want us to know that they know we’re making ‘em. _[Looks away in thought before looking back.]_ Can a company be bitchy?

 

 **Ren:** Is that why you steal creamer?

 

 **Rey:** Yes. It’s an act of rebellion. I also scratched the words ‘place scrotum here’ on the lunch room table, but then, you know, that just became the thing to do.

 

_[Poe and Finn walk up to her desk and stand there looking at both Ren and Rey.]_

 

 **Finn:** You have the best cubicle.

 

 **Poe:** Yeah, and we have been in all of them.

 

 **Finn:** Except Phasma’s

 

 **Poe:** Whoah. Phasma.

 

 **Finn:** No way.

 

 **Poe:** No.

 

 **Rey:** I’ve been in there, twice. She got so mad the first time, I had to do it again.

 

 **Finn:** I’m definitely going in there sometime, twice also as well. So we heard rumors something’s gonna be done to Poe?

 

 **Poe:** Yeah, and I just so want it to be something good.

 

—————-

 

**Scene Eight**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper Decks, Kylo Ren’s Office._

 

_[Kylo Ren and Poe sit in Kylo’s Office]_

 

 

 **Poe:** _[Stands up suddenly.]_ Why do they want to freeze me? I didn’t do anything!

 

 **Ren:** No, Poe, it’s not a punishment. It’s-it’s an honor. You’ve been chosen to be a pioneer, to go someplace no one’s ever gone before. _[adds hastily]_ And come back.

 

 **Poe:** I don’t know. I can talk to my wife about it. Will I keep getting paid? She’s going to want to know that.

 

 **Ren:** Of course. _[Shrugs.]_ I assume. _[Tilts head.]_ I mean, technically, it is work. _[Thinks]_ I’ll check.

—————

 

**Scene Nine**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Officer’s Barracks, Lord Kylo Ren’s Private Quarters._

 

_[Kylo Ren and his daughter, Padmé, stand in the small kitchen preparing dinner.]_

 

 **Padmé:** You shouldn’t freeze Poe.

 

 **Ren:** _[Faces camera]_ This is my daughter Padmé. She knows everything. _[Faces his daughter.]_ Honey, it’s exciting. It’s gonna be a huge breakthrough in science.

 

 **Padmé:** I like Poe.

 

 **Ren:** Maybe you’ll like him even more when he’s frozen.

 

 **Padmé** : I like him the temperature he is. Poe came to my birthday. It’s wrong to freeze someone who comes to your daughter’s birthday.

 

 **Ren:** Well- [Pauses.] Did you do your math homework?

 

 **Padmé:** Yes.

 

 **Ren:** Six times Eight?

 

 **Padmé:** Yes, that was one of them. Would you do it? Would you do something like this and leave me?

 

 **Ren:** _[Faces camera.]_ When Padmé was four, her mom left us to go save the world. That’s been hard for Padmé. Frankly, not so great for the world, either. _[Faces his daughter.]_ Hey, I would never leave you, ever.

 

 **Padmé:** I know. We’ve discussed this. You’re a great dad. But it’s wrong to ask Poe to do something you wouldn’t do.

 

 **Ren:** You’re right. You’re always right because stupidly, I taught you right and wrong.

 

—————

 

**Scene Ten**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lower Decks, Lab and Testing rooms._

 

 

 **Ren:** Just tell ‘em you don’t want to do it. They can’t force employees to participate in human experiments. They lost that court case.

 

 **Poe:** But I want to do it.

 

 **Ren:** What? Poe, that’s crazy.

 

 **Finn:** _[Turns around from his desk with a pipet in his hand.]_ Thank you. See? I’m not the only one.

 

 **Poe:** It is only for a year, Finn.

 

 **Finn:** I’ll just stand perfectly still so I don’t accidentally go on living my life without you. _[Mutters]_ Moron.

 

 **Ren:** Look, Poe. I might’ve sold you a little too hard yesterday, and- an that was- wrong.

 

 **Poe:** No. No, you were right. This is my chance to be a pioneer. My wife thought it would be exciting, too, which surprised me, because she’s normally a deeply and relentlessly negative person.

 

 **Finn:** _[Turns back to his work, muttering.]_ Mrs. Moron.

 

 **Poe:** At least I have a Mrs. Moron. Who’s in your life, Finn?

 

 **Finn:** _[Face drops into a pouty frown.]_ Why are you being so mean?

 

——————

**Scene Eleven**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lower Decks, Lab and Testing rooms._

 

_[Stormtroopers steady a large metal tube and hook machines up to as Poe steps inside in a green bodysuit. A crowd full of officers, stormtroopers, and drones watches interested.]_

 

 **Ren (OS):** And so they froze Poe.

 

 **Poe:** What I do now I do for science. And so I do not ask for your concern. _[Door closes on his words and they become muffled and hard to hear through the thick glass.]_ All I ask is for you respect. Respect as a scientist, respect as a friend. Respect as a man. Oh, God! I think this is it!

 

 **Dr. Mitaka:** _[Standing behind General Hux, Kylo Ren, and Rey, whispering to a fellow scientist.]_ I’ve never seen a man explode from the inside. A rabbit, an eel, a goat, a monkey, and a reindeer, but that’s all.

 

 **Hux:** _[Pulls an uncomfortable face.]_ I’m out. _[Walks away quickly.]_

 

 **Rey:** This is normal. Every company does stuff like this. Right?

 

 **Ren:** Does Poe look like he’s in pain? _[Poe’s face slips into a silent scream.]_

 

 **Rey:** Bummer to have to stay like that for a year.

 

 **Ren:** _[Leans closer to her.]_ I don’t think you’re crazy for stealing creamer. _[Rey responds with a soft smile.]_

 

 **Dr. Mitaka:** Watch closely. Minus twenty is when the eyes might burst.

 

_[The crowd watches the temperature read out with intensity. As minus twenty nears, the crowd audibly holds their breath and as the temperature continues to drop without any complications, they all sigh.]_

 

_—————_

 

**Scene Twelve**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lower Decks, Lab and Testing rooms._

 

 

_[Kylo Ren stares into the viewport of the large metal tube that house Poe’s frozen body, still frozen in a silent scream.]_

 

 **Ren:** _[Faces camera.]_ He’s been like this for three days now. They promised him he could stay in the lab with his friends, so that’s good, _[Faces Poe.]_ right, buddy?

 

 **Hux:** _[Walks up and stares into viewport.]_ Creepy. They’re moving him tomorrow.

 

 **Ren:** What? Where?

 

 **Hux:** I think the basement. Although, there’s been talk of Tantooine.

 

—————

 

**Scene Thirteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lower Decks, Lab and Testing rooms._

 

_[Charming music plays in the background as we watch two stormtroopers walk into the lab room that houses the frozen Poe with a large trolley to move him. As they both grab hold of the giant container, one receives a phone call.]_

 

 **GH-2245:** Hello? No I can talk.

 

_[As he moves away to answer it, taking his hands from the container, the other loses his balance and drops the container. The hose containing the frozen chemical breaks away from the container as it rolls through the lab room. Poe unfreezes, stretches his jaw, and taps on glass.]_

 

——————

 

**Scene Fourteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Officer’s Decks, Kylo Ren’s Personal Quarters._

 

_[Padmé sits on her bed under the blankets while Ren sits on the far edge.]_

 

 **Padmé:** Poe thawed out? How?

 

 **Ren:** It’s very technical.

 

 **Padmé:** Is he okay?

 

 **Ren:** He’s fine. It’s just something’s not quite right.

 

————

 

**Scene Fifteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper Decks, Boardroom, General Hux’s Office_

 

_[Employees sit around a table as Poe stands in his white lab coat and instructs them about his newest experiment.]_

 

 **Poe:** _[Holds up presentation slide.]_ Next we looked at Methyl Thiazole-4, which we assumed would - _[Screams randomly in a high pitched manner. The whole boardroom gasps and leans away from him.]_

 

_[Cut to General Hux’s office. Ren stands in front of his desk.]_

 

 **Hux:** So this thing with Poe, making that stupid face and yelling, they think it’s distracting.

 

 **Ren:** I guess in hindsight they shouldn’t have vitrified his brains.

 

 **Hux:** Look, I’m not gonna play the blame game with you. The point is, they need you to let him go.

 

 **Ren:** What?

 

————

 

**Scene Sixteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lift_

 

_[A lift rises towards the upper decks as Rey waits patiently. It stops, the doors sliding open silently and Ren steps into it.]_

 

 **Rey:** _[Slight pause after an awkward silence.]_ Have you been avoiding me since you, you know, held my hand?

 

 **Ren:** No. And -and I didn’t hold your hand. I held on to your hand after you held my hand.

 

 **Rey** : Okay. That’s how we’re playing it? We’re gonna play it stupid?

 

 **Ren:** Okay. Honestly, I- I don’t know how it happened.

 

 **Rey:** I do. I was standing there like this, and then you took my hand like this, _[grabs hand],_ and that’s how it happened.

 

 **Ren** : _[Looks up into Rey’s eyes.]_ Linda.

 

 **Rey:** _[Looks up into Ren’s eyes.]_ Kylo.

 

 **Ren:** I used up my office affair.

 

 **Rey:** Say what now?

 

 **Ren:** You only get one, otherwise you’re that guy that sleeps around. And about a year ago, I used mine.

 

————

 

**Scene Seventeen: Flashback**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, General Hux’s Office._

 

_[The General and Kylo Ren walk down a hallway towards Hux’s office.]_

 

 **Hux:** Ren, that was an excellent presentation. Everything you said was so concise and exactly- _[Office door closes.]_ I think you and I should have sex. _[Ren stares blankly.]_ If you want. _[Ren continues to stare.]_ Look at me. I’m so nervous, i’m shaking like a leaf.

 

 **Ren:** No, no, you’re not.

 

 **Hux:** No. Is that a problem? I don't get nervous. I try. It just doesn't come out. I guess that makes me _[Lowers his head dramatically and looks up at him from under his eyelashes.]_ vulnerable.

 

 **Ren:** _[Tilts head.]_ No, you're not vulnerable.

 

 **Hux:** _[Nods.]_ No. So where does that put us?

 

_[Moments later Ren is being slammed down on the top of the desk as Hux climbs over him and kisses his neck.]_

 

_————_

 

**Scene Eighteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Lift._

 

_[Rey stares incredulously at Ren as he explains the story.]_

 

 **Rey:** Ren, it’s okay. Really. I don’t care. I work for you. It would be - _[Lift door opens and Hux walks towards them.]_ Besides, only an idiot would have an affair with their boss. _[Smirks before leaving the lift.]_

 

 **Hux:** Pretty girl. Although, she makes a lot of non-work-related calls, which I think makes her less attractive.

 

 **Ren:** Listen, Hux, about firing Poe, I don’t think we should rush into anything.

 

 **Hux:** You’re right. Wait until the end of business Friday. It’ll be easier for payroll.

 

————-

 

**Scene Nineteen**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Officer’s Barracks, Kylo Ren’s Personal Quarters._

 

_[Padmé sits on the dinner table working on her homework.]_

 

 **Padmé:** You’re kidding, right?

 

 **Ren:** No.

 

 **Padmé:** Now they want you to fire Poe?

 

 **Ren:** That’s what I’m supposed to do, yep.

 

 **Padmé:** Do grown ups even care about right and wrong?

 

 **Ren:** Did you brush your teeth?

 

 **Padmé:** Don’t change the subject.

 

———-

 

**Scene Twenty**

 

 **Setting:** _The Finalizer, Upper Decks, Copy Room, Bridge._

 

_[Rey stands at the copy machine looking over papers when General Hux walks towards her.]_

 

 **Hux:** Hello Rey.

 

 **Rey:** _[Jumps slightly and turns to face him.]_ Hi.

 

 **Hux:** Did I surprise you? I didn’t mean to surprise you. I’m just a friendly person.

 

 **Rey:** I didn’t think you knew my name.

 

 **Hux:** Well, of course I know your name. I know a lot about you. Rey Katherine Zword-ning-ling.

 

 **Rey** : Zwordling.

 

 **Hux:** Fine. You know your name better than I do. Yay. _[Walks off down the hallway and catches Ren as he passes the break room.]_ Ren, I can’t have you sleeping with Rey.

 

 **Ren:** What?

 

 **Hux:** It could embarrass me, plus I may not be done with you yet.

 

 **Poe:** _[Walks up with an empty mug and begins to pour coffee.]_ Hey, guys.

 

 **Hux:** Hi, Poe. I hear you’re blinking again. Good for you. _[Turns to Ren and lowers voice.]_ Why is he still here?

 

 **Ren:** Because, Hux, I’m not firing him.

 

 **Hux:** But they want you to fire him.

 

 **Ren:** I don’t care. It’s just wrong.

 

 **Hux:** So then you’re saying no to them? _[Smirks.]_ That’s an interesting career choice.

 

 **Ren:** Poe doesn’t deserve to be fired. He’s incredibly smart. He’s hardworking. He let us freeze him! He’s the last guy that deserves to be fired, and I’m standing by him. _[Poe starts screaming loudly in a high pitched manner.]_ Dude. You’re not helping me. _[Continues to scream while giving a light shrug.]_

 

 **Hux:** Okay, i’ll talk to them. But what you’re doing is gonna hurt their feelings, and when their feelings get hurt, they hurt the ones they love. _[Smirks.]_ And they love you, Ren.

 

 **Ren:** Well, then maybe I should talk to them.

 

 **Hux:** _[Sneers.]_ No. They don’t want to talk to you when you’re like this. 

 

_[Screen fades to black.]_

**Author's Note:**

> I enjoyed this (: There are more episodes i could mix up with star wars characters and if this gets enough likes and interest, i might continue it but for now this is just a one shot.
> 
> Thanks for reading!


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